Worried Sick

You know how your mother told you that she was worried sick? And you just thought, "whatever"? Well, I totally believe that I have worried myself sick. If you notice at the end of each post, I list my mood. I couldn't pick one that encompasses my mood right now.

I feel mentally exhausted. I feel sick. I feel angry. I feel depressed. I feel sad. I feel aggravated. I feel annoyed. I feel apathetic. I feel confused, cranky, crappy, and crazy. I feel crushed, cynical, and disappointed. I feel discontent, enraged, and frustrated. I feel gloomy, groggy, grumpy, and indifferent, not to mention infuriated, irate, and irritated. I also feel lethargic, lonely, and melancholy.

Oh, in addition, I'm nauseated, numb, pessimistic, and pissed off. I feel rejected, restless, and shocked. I'm also sick, sleepy, sore, and stressed. Don't forget tired, uncomfortable, weird, and worried.

Basically, I don't know how I feel, but I don't feel good.

It seems ever since Angela told me that she convinced Erin that it would bother her if I went out with Erin, I haven't known what to think. So, all of the above emotions have turned inside of my stomach until I reached a point where I literally got sick.

Right now, I'm feel like a Brunswick Stew of Bad Emotions!

Here's what I'm really thinking: Angela, who the hell do you think you are? Why can't you worry about whatever you need to worry about and leave me the fuck alone! I'm supposed to give a shit if you get "uncomfortable" when I'm around your roommate? Fuck you!

I'm tired of being Mr. Nice Guy. I don't feel as if I'm being the selfish one here. It's you! And since I'm trying to avoid getting you upset, I've worried myself sick. How does that make you feel? Uncomfortable? Good! Because you don't know shit! Right now, I don't care how you feel. You're supposed to be my friend? Friends don't make each other sick! You're too busy worried that you're going to feel "uncomfortable". Goody for you.

Do you even care that I'm upset? Or sick? Or that I could even be happy if you'd just get over your "un comfortableness"? Hell no, because you're too damn conceited! You're only thinking about yourself right now!

So, here's were I'm going to take control of the situation. I'm going to pursue Erin anyway. I don't care how you feel, because you surely don't care how I feel. And ya know what? If it doesn't work out, then at least I TRIED!! So, stay our of it!

But you know what? I had a good time with Erin last weekend. And we might just have fun together again. I am interested in her. And for at least that night, she was interested in me. I can't speak for her right now, and I can't guarantee that we'll ever get that close again. But I cannot go without trying. And I don't give a damn how it makes you feel, and I don't give a damn what you think about it.